Hello, my name is Emanuel and I'm an information addict. I think too much and think that I know too much but the truth is I don't have a fuckin idea about anything. I just don't know.... I DON'T KNOW.
I also have generalized anxiety disorder (based on my psych) which mixed with the information addiction makes the perfect cocktail for suicidal idealization and the fog if you know what I mean. when everything turns black. I hurt many people because of my addiction and my illness and my ignorance not to put more attention to heal it.
I am sorry from the bottom of my heart to the people I hurt and wish I could take all the poison back.
Mom, Dad... please forgive me, you did everything for me and all I did was acting like a fuckin jerk.
Two of my best friends tried to stop me from committing suicide and what I did was pushing them away and getting angry at them. I'm sorry Parsa, I'm sorry Sina. I'm sick but that doesn't rationalize my behavior so I admit... I fucked up. I hope you understand. I love you guys.
Arash, I'm also sorry for calling you boring and pathetic because I was seeing my own addiction in you and hated what I saw. you're a beautiful man full of great ideas and passion for healing yourself... I hope you find your way and also find a way to forgive me... I'm just a stupid guy who thinks he knows too much... but its done. that Emanuel died... I'm trying to heal what has remained. I'm sick, yet that doesn't rationalize my behavior.
Love and peace
-Emanual Bliss
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