On Free Will Debate (Part 3) : The Beauty

Hard determinism helped me big time with my anxiety disorder because choices compose a large share of stress. Yes, traditional physics and cognitive neuroscience supports determinism but that doesn't make it to be absolutely right.

Free-will could exist but that would mean there is a force in the universe called chaos. And confusing having control over life with random chaos won't solve anything but giving one a sense of self-worth yet creating doubt, guilt and judgment as a result specially for the people that struggle with low self-confidence, anxiety and depression as myself.

Hope I helped clarify why I empathize so much on hard determinism. It may not work for you but there are some people out there struggling with their choices in life making life a living hell for them and the idea that they are actually feathers in the wind might help lift some of the weight from their shoulders. 

JUST BECAUSE THERE IS ONLY ONE ROAD AND YOU'RE WALKING THROUGH IT WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT DOESN'T MEAN THERE WON'T BE A BEAUTIFUL SUNRISE OR SOME MORNING GLORY FLOWERS BY THE ROAD TO MAKE THE JOURNEY BEAUTIFUL... IT DOESN'T MEAN THERE WON'T BE JOY AND BLISS ON THE WAY. 

We need better drugs!

We need better advice Osho memes with more important messages!

Here you go...

Simple solution for the believers in free-will to end the free-will debate : 


Ok here it goes : 


Do something unpredictable that no one can foreseen to prove you have control over your actions.

I'm bored,,,

Everybody is offline on skype, oovoo and YM. two of the friends that I had was recently in contact with blocked me. god hasn't call yet and I'm not in the mood to annoy religious people, music is also... just not in the mood....

You can always start over!

You can always start over but that doesn't mean what you had in the past is wrong or it's not gonna affect your new life. but of course this is from a determinist point of view...

The Omniversal Telephone (part 2)

Regarding the Nude Picture

A bunch of people (some of them close friends) are blocking me on Facebook because of my posts and pictures . I can't say I don't give a fuck about it, because that would be a big ass lie. It does make me sad but what can I do when someone can't accept me as who I am, wether psychotic, different, full of shit or anything else... I respect those people although I'm a little pissed off at them but HEY if the people you interact with on a daily basis are the people that find you against their values or find you offending then what's the point of friendship?

Thank you for reading....

Sarah Cain : The Power of Introverts

I don't consider myself an introvert but I spend most of my time at home, while bringing my emotions and ideas to the society through the net so I found this video interesting :

On taboos, and their origins!?

There are a bunch of people talking and preaching about breaking the taboos, questioning authority and that kind of stuff but I don't see anyone asking about the evolutionary (archeological) origins of taboos in human history... what is your opinion on this?

I love my body!

I love my body!

Tool - Reflection

Forget the lyrics... go with the beat.

On Osho....

What amazes me about Osho is not his idealism, wisdom, knowledge or even being a spiritual guru (fuck that). What amazes me about him is that when he talks, there is no craving or at least I can't see it. He is totally at peace... no anxiety or fear. just simultaneous interaction... NON-CRAVING! 


He was either the best actor in history or just totally relaxed free from doubt, guilt, judgement and all the bullshit... he was a weyseer without all the side effects of being a weyseer! 


Osho, I salute you.

The most beautiful thing in the world!

The most beautiful thing in the world is finding ways to fool your brain.

Double quarter pounder with cheese! om nom nom nom

Dear god, I don't know anything. sometimes I think I know stuff like the idea of determinism, the non-existent nature of self... life goes on the way it's planned to be by mathematical equations starting with zero.... starting with the big bang and expanding into numbers for no apparent reason... somethings happen in life that have no reason behind them. the creation was one of it... I think. 


So there are many unpredictable possibilities not affected by my choice but with my interactions with the environment. I don't really see you as a father figure... you're part of my brain that for some reason I have no direct contact with. you're the omniscient, omnipotent archetype. I value truth and I value power so I guess I like you in many ways. not religious ways. just as as brain mechanism and not a creator.... just jungian type of way.... in symbolic form. the truth be told.... I'm on a shitload of Klonopin while posting this bullshit. people tell me I'm extremely intelligent, I think they're right but that doesn't change much. Sometimes they tell me I'm full of shit. it's ok everybody's a little full of shit. But what does it mean? fuck that. don't wanna start on questions and stuff.... I used to have notebook on my desktop called READ ME and I read it everyday to remind me what to do and what not to do. yesterday I deleted all the contents but still saved the text file with same title : READ THIS! read a blank page full of nothingness... 


Is you're there, you're probably laughing like a fat buddha... with a shaking belly. haha that even makes me laugh too.... I'm not scared anymore. I have things to lose like my house, my money and the little sanity I have left.


Nothing much else to say...

God hasn't call yet!

Took forty miligrams of Konopin and I can still rationalize. but it's ok atleast I don't feel like killing myself anymore and btw : god has'nt call yet!


pray for me... 

The Omniversal Telephone!

I invented an omniversal telephone to call god.

Today we escape!

Today we escape!

Morning Glory Wine!

Morning glory wine... good people don't drink it! so I'm alone I'm thinking please!

Shitty day!

As a determinist I still experience guilt and judgement and that's a shame!


You like someone... you ask them too soon.


And that's it... no more sleep for the next 1000 hours! wish I could make it easier with some joke or something but nothing makes it easier... sometimes you just have to hang in there! 

The Wayseer Manifesto!

I am an artist, someone recently reminded me of that. I was confused, I talked about the child but the fact is the child is an archetype for the artist. for expression... this passes through me. where does it come from?  the spontaneous expression of an inner reality. each step brings one word, one stroke of paint, one piece of music... I can't be alone and I can't be with people... I want a lover, not a friend. someone whose hand I can hold while she holds the brush and walk through her world while I hold and pull her hair gently, walk through her canvas as she listens to my music. 


But something... something stands in the way. 

From Neurosis to Bliss!

Now that I have made myself clear about what I want and it's nature, here's a case diagram I tried to place together : 

Neurosis (Extreme desire) ----------- > Suicide

      I   

      I   (psych meds, therapy)

     V

Depression (High desire) ----------- > Suicide

      I

      I   (psych meds, healthy life style, socializing, therapy, religion)

     V

Functional (Ordinary desire)

      I

      I   (Meditation? Neurotechnology/Surgery? Entheogens?)

     V

Bliss

Desire = craving for non-craving.

On pain, pleasure, desire and bliss

I have experienced something in my life. I called it bliss for the sake of human communication. 

The fact is I liked it more than anything I have experienced.

The realization that I have had lately is that pleasure is not the equivalent of bliss or bliss is not just a form of super pleasure.

My body is not really attuned to seek pleasure at all times. is it? I don't think so.

Maybe if we incorporate all the deep psychological elements, then pleasure can be a much more complex phenomena than what we perceived previously. Take masochism for example, what is the line that divides pain and pleasure? Is it direct experience? Are we wired to know the difference?

Is pleasure the equivalent of stimulation? if psychological hedonism is correct and pleasure is the true equivalent of stimulation, why don't people put themselves in stimulating situations all the time? maybe they do but our bodies have other incorporating mechanisms like fear, habit and so on. so it appears to be that they act on routine but they're actually just acting on these incorporating psychological archetypes which are synonyms for brain functions.

How can psychological hedonism be right then? In this view we are robots with many mechanisms working together sustaining life; and pleasure is just one part of this mechanism, not supposedly the main incorporating element.

The truth is my brain craves non-craving, the brain craves direct interaction without having the sense of lack and desire. yet it is stopping itself to achieve it for evolutionary reasons. (I think)

I usually have a scale to determine my mood which starts by severe panic and ends in bliss. 

What is bliss? I can't explain it. I experienced something that was very familiar to what has been explained as non-being but it was more of absolute being (oneness). a state of non-desire and constant interaction with the environment. I'm not sure because I can't remember all the details but I think, I stopped thinking in that period. everything was either physical or emotional but there was no craving.

In that certain period REASON was meaningless to me. Maybe in the ordinary state of consciousness we are aware of the processing of reason using the language centers but in that period I lost that function.

For some reason I think reason is a product of desire, to inspect information again and again trying to find a way to dissolve desire and the sense of lack.

Do we truly seek death but not in the physical form? do the people that commit suicide want to achieve this state of non-craving and simultaneous existence but rather do it physically?

What is stopping oneself from suicide? I guess it's fear and hope. unless one comes to a state where the craving overcomes the fear and hope and … and blow one's top as suggested by the eureka online encyclopedia.

Is the act of "thinking" actually being aware of the process of reasoning and if so is it a source of desire or is it the other way around?

So now that I settled with what I want and it's explanation. the question is what is the key?

Probably coma, death and certain drug overdoses stop craving but that's just peace, not bliss. 

Eastern traditions preach meditation which is the equivalent of pretending to have no desire, but I feel like it's just pretense. yet the evidence shows that it really does affect the brain function and lowers one's sense of lack and desire.

Do you know any other ways than the permanent death and coma or the temporary use of drugs and meditations? if so please post it in the comments. 

FUCK IT... my new religion!

There is only one type of knowledge and that's direct fuckin experience... all the fuckin books in the world are somebody else's experience. Reading about travelling in the third heaven with a lightning bulb doesn't help me heal my psychosis... neither does fatherhood advice on unconditional love and fuckin imagining myself in a blue light surrounded by angels! 


Direct experience is the only thing that will not create a fuckin paradox in your soul!


FUCK IT... my new religion!

Burn babe burn!

Burnt half of my spiritual self-help books... 


will burn the other half until tomorrow night... saw the inner master blinking in the fire! 

On Free Will Debate (Part 1) How Charlse Manson can be innocent and Michio Kaku wrong!

First of all read with caution because this article may change your whole view over life and second of all I can be dead wrong affected by my psychosis and my many disorders of the mind and brain or just simply wrong.

For some reason I think the fathers of most religions were aware of the fact of hard determinism and they put it in symbolic form of an omniscient god who knows everything that is going to happen in time but still preaches doing good (is either very stupid or could not predict the evolution of mind in homo sapiens) and Their hidden philosophy was that if people were aware of free will being an illusion of the mind (maya) they may become corrupt and create anarchy and dysphoria or some rullers and kings may lose their power over people so they hidden it in symbolic forms and called it mysticism and someone who overcomes maya (knows that free will doesn't exist) attains enlightenment which is symbolic for becoming one pointed (free will means there can be more than one of you because in popular belief your choices define you), other than the fact that mathematical logic strongly approves hard determinism, I think those forefathers were wrong about the truth being too harsh for people to take. they underestimated the value of truth and how it can relieve less smart people of negative feelings like the anxiety of choice, guilt and judgement or at least for people in the second millennia!!

If you're reading this you might have one of these reactions :


1 - How can free will not exist? this guy thinks he knows everything, everybody knows that free will exists, what happens to responsibility? what happens to morality?


To answer your question morality is very little influenced by the idea of free will. it is more of a natural brain function which in some people for evolutionary (environmental) and genetic reasons does not function properly.

Free will allows you to look at the mass murderer on tv and say what has the world come to? and feel better about your self but at the end of the day you think about all the wrong choices that you made so overall it gives you more dysphoria and creates more destruction than being productive even when ignoring logic.

Does this guy look like he chose to be what he was/is (if you define people by their actions/choices)?


2 - Quantum mechanics proves that there is randomness in universe, so there is some level of free will even though we don't choose our genes or family or environment that we are born and grow in. (compatibilism)

I'm really scared this guy reads this post by the way! lol

To answer you, I must admit that my knowledge of quantum mechanics is generated from hours of fucking around on wikipedia and can not really argue with or admit it. but personally I think some things happen in the world that do not make sense like the quantum randomness but I don't think that explains the brain process of making choices. but I'm human and I can be wrong so don't take my words for granted... think for your self. think about all the choices you made in your life and follow them to where they origin. could you make any other choice in any given situation in your past?


At the end we usually choose our beliefs based on how they make us feel. determinism makes me feel good and one with the universe or at least part of it's growth. it makes me feel relaxed and helps me go through my problems easier... the rationalizations are more of a conscious attempt to justify my belief system.


or as the dude states :

I'm human... I can be wrong but what's the harm in thinking for your self? 

My Scumbag Brain 4

True Story!

My Scumbag Brain 3

And posts it on his blog!

My Scumbag Brain 2

My Scumbag Brain 1

Two Generations or me and my dad!

It's either that the previous generation was the sad generation and my generation is the crazy generation or I saw a lot of sad people in their forties and a lot of crazy people in their teens. 
No, wait a moment; almost everybody is crazy in their teens and almost everybody is sad in their midlife crisis... or it's just that I'm crazy and my dad is sad! lol 

Memology 1

I'm MUSICAL

I'm musical... I feel in music, I think in music... I smoke in music... I fuckin shit in music. 

I think in Philip Glass and King Crimson, talk in Giraffes Giraffes?!, get nervous breakdown in Radiohead, smoke and fall in love in Mark Lanegan, dance in Acid Jazz, shit in Blue Grass, get angry in Slipknot... and have sex in Justin Timberlake.

If your music matches mine... welcome to my life. if not then we're just gonna pass by or have a one dimensional relationship/friendship. 


Update (4/7/2012) : Ok, replace all the above bands with Helios except when I'm angry I think it's still Slipknot and when I'm having a nervous breakdown maybe Burzum works for me...

Information Addiction!

People are in different emotional states in different times... now if they have a bit of cognitive skills, they're gonna write a book stating their emotions as the ultimate truth. just stop fuckin reading and think about your own truth because the more you read the more you contradict yourself, unless the writer is you or someone more than 90% like you. 


wait a moment... did I just stopped people from viewing my blog? fuck it. just live as you like...

Not Your Fault!

Wishing I have a brain tumor before testing. that way I know how long I have and can enjoy life without being labeled as someone who chooses to be crazy and dysfunctional and I guess that's the reason I became a determinist! 


Sort of not your fault kind of thing.

Human Brain : The Trouble Child Of The Universe

What if mind and body are really separate phenomenas?

What if determinism applies to the body but not to the mind?

There are so many evidences pointing to past lives, ESP and such phenomenas that can not exist within the traditional laws of physics and can only exist when quantum randomness is applied to existence (as suggested by really mad quantum physicists) as we know it. can we really continue ignoring these phenomenas?

Can mind ignore the body? 

Can mind ignore the brain?

If they are separate how do they interact?

What if the universe as it is, is really a dualistic phenomena. existence continues on traditional laws of physics but mind affects existence in unpredictable ways? 

If accepting this dualistic view on reality, What if it's all part of a plan to cosmic bliss? 

What if the reality can only exist in duality because god is not really omnipotent and god is universe itself changing when the universe changes gathering knowledge through the minds of people to reach bliss? 

What if mind is god and matter is the devil and they are fighting in an eternal battle which is really unpredictable?

The fact of the matter is that I don't know the answer to any of these questions,

do the answers affect my life? I don't know. 

What do I choose to believe, not based on logic but based on my whole psychological makeup? 

well, I believe in the traditional laws of physics and do not have enough attention span to really analyze quantum mechanics. so I hold my belief that free will is but a figure of speech, a tool for the mind to make sense of gathered information and react in a certain way and also give itself self worth by believing that it affects the universe and is not but a domino falling down on a chain reaction of physical laws. I also believe the mind has the power to defy traditional laws of physics or in other words mind is the anarchist in a world governed by traditional laws, in my view which is mostly intuitional (subjective), the human psyche (conscious or unconscious) blended with high emotional stimulation somehow has the power to bend the rules and fuck with the man (the universe). does it prove free will? no, it simply means the universe is fucking with itself because the universe doesn't need a reason to defy it's own laws or in other words human brain is the trouble child of the universe. 

Human brain is the skinhead anarchist teenager who likes to fuck with his mom and dad (parents signifying universe). but that doesn't separate human brain from the universe because the definition of the universe is large enough to include human brain. 

That's basically my philosophy of existence, life, mind, brain and free will. 

Now when it comes to after life, past lives and so on, I go coocoo because that brings the whole soul thing which doesn't match my version of reality but I have to confess there are so many cases of past lives that we can't just say they all are either lying, imagining things or going crazy. 

So my answer to what happens after death and before birth is : I don't have a fuckin clue. if past lives exist then there is either a very complex set of quantum physical rules that govern the soul or whatever the hell it is that we define consciousness by or god is just fucking with our minds and we are incapable of understanding the true nature of universe through intellect.

Who knows, maybe after a really hardcore peyote or DMT experience in my twenties, I come to a new view over the universe and start having conferences on expanding your mind with peyote but take my advice : throw up your philosophies on a paper or something and leave it at that or don't go there at all.

Go have sex, eat a nice meal, have a walk in the woods, fall in love, have a mystical experience with an entheogen or whatever the hell you enjoy because once you enter the dimension of intellectualism, you encounter paradoxes that baffle all physicists and mathematicians. and because of those paradoxes you start seeing all the imperfections in the world and end up like fuckin Nietzsche losing all the little joys unless you're really the chill type who can spend hours reading the holographic universe and still have a good night sleep without any paradoxes bugging your mind. Being the wondering child (you can call it the blissful ignorant) is my drug of choice, most of the things you read here is what I throw up at my spare time and do not affect my life in major ways so don't get into it if don't wanna play with fire.

The Child (part 2)

For some reason I always imagined myself as an old wise man giving advice to people ! 
I wanna let go of that and let somebody else be the wise man, it's just not my nature, not my job and that caused so much pain and paradox in me. I'm a free spirited guy who wants to experience life in its wholeness, not analyze every bit of it and see the imperfections. I wanna look at dog shit and see it's beauty, smell it's heavenly aroma! it's time for me to become a child again, foolish and playful, no knowledge or wisdom. just laughter and tears... just amazement and wonder... 


It's the journey to become innocent again and regain my spiritual virginity! :)

The Child

If there is a god, I think it's an innocent child, untouched and undisturbed; dreaming of the world as it is... 

With wonder and amazement 

With laughter and playfulness

With love and embracement  

I surrender to the child

I surrender as I vanish and the child remains

On the journey back through the eyes of a child... 

"See through the eyes of a child

And it won't be real

Eyes neither hateful or cruel

No lies conceal

Eyes that wander, eyes that strayed

While the shame in your heart 

Remains"

-Mark Lanegan 

Apologies

The first step in any addiction is realizing you're an addict. 


Hello, my name is Emanuel and I'm an information addict. I think too much and think that I know too much but the truth is I don't have a fuckin idea about anything. I just don't know.... I DON'T KNOW. 


I also have generalized anxiety disorder (based on my psych) which mixed with the information addiction makes the perfect cocktail for suicidal idealization and the fog if you know what I mean. when everything turns black. I hurt many people because of my addiction and my illness and my ignorance not to put more attention to heal it.


 I am sorry from the bottom of my heart to the people I hurt and wish I could take all the poison back. 


Mom, Dad... please forgive me, you did everything for me and all I did was acting like a fuckin jerk.


Two of my best friends tried to stop me from committing suicide and what I did was pushing them away and getting angry at them. I'm sorry Parsa, I'm sorry Sina. I'm sick but that doesn't rationalize my behavior so I admit... I fucked up. I hope you understand. I love you guys.


Arash, I'm also sorry for calling you boring and pathetic because I was seeing my own addiction in you and hated what I saw. you're a beautiful man full of great ideas and passion for healing yourself... I hope you find your way and also find a way to forgive me... I'm just a stupid guy who thinks he knows too much... but its done. that Emanuel died... I'm trying to heal what has remained. I'm sick, yet that doesn't rationalize my behavior. 


Love and peace


-Emanual Bliss

Quantum Mechanics 1

GOD I hate quantum mechanics!! it bugs me like a fly in a sweaty summer day! or as Einstein states : God doesn't play dice. either Einstein was wrong or I'm thinking too much! 


CAN I HAS A MOMENT OF SILENCE IN MY HEAD PLEEEEEAAAAAASE!

Existence, Life and Enlightenment (part 1)

You have probably heard what enlightenment or bliss is and you have probably heard it is attainable through meditation.

Now it's time to raise some questions :

What if there is no freewill, so the idea of attaining enlightenment or bliss through meditation is not certain. if you have the genes, brains and the mindset to go through meditation on a discipline, then congrats : you may attain bliss. what if bliss happens to people who have a genetical/neurological mutation or anomaly? what if bliss is the next step of evolution and man is going through the second step? 

What if we are branches of the tree of life, dancing to the winds of an expanding whole? what if we don't exist as entities and these bodies work on their own like computers do and consciousness is a simple part of this computer ? what if we don't exist, never have existed and never will exist. what if it's all nothingness...? and that's what so called enlightened people mean when they say you have been enlightened all along and you don't become enlightened. 

We keep raising questions about environmental concerns and how humans are destroying rain forests and such. but aren't we part of the evolution of life? aren't we part of life itself? does that mean life is destroying itself? does that mean life is a self-destructive phenomena?

What if life is but a self-destructive phenomena, made in coincidence out of the creation of cosmos or what scientists call the big bang? what if nothing became something and that something is destroying itself? what if nothing exists and everything exists and we are rainbows made out of the white light of existence and the raindrops of coincidence?

And to answer your question, NO I'm not on LSD.

Nervous Breakdown

A nervous breakdown is not just a burst of depression, anxiety or rage. it's literally the break down of values, morals and humane concepts down to a little lost frustrated child. In this void there is a great opportunity to learn the very foundations of one's psychological makeup and get answers to fundamental questions which answers are hidden in the functioning consciousness. It is like a window to the repressed unconscious that brings out useful psychological tools.

Nervous Breakdown 101

A nervous breakdown is not just a burst of depression, anxiety or rage. it's literally the break down of values, morals and humane concepts down to a little lost frustrated child. In this void there is a great opportunity to learn the very foundations of one's psychological makeup and get answers to fundamental questions which answers are hidden in the functioning consciousness. It is like a window to the repressed unconscious that brings out useful psychological tools.