Double quarter pounder with cheese! om nom nom nom

Dear god, I don't know anything. sometimes I think I know stuff like the idea of determinism, the non-existent nature of self... life goes on the way it's planned to be by mathematical equations starting with zero.... starting with the big bang and expanding into numbers for no apparent reason... somethings happen in life that have no reason behind them. the creation was one of it... I think. 


So there are many unpredictable possibilities not affected by my choice but with my interactions with the environment. I don't really see you as a father figure... you're part of my brain that for some reason I have no direct contact with. you're the omniscient, omnipotent archetype. I value truth and I value power so I guess I like you in many ways. not religious ways. just as as brain mechanism and not a creator.... just jungian type of way.... in symbolic form. the truth be told.... I'm on a shitload of Klonopin while posting this bullshit. people tell me I'm extremely intelligent, I think they're right but that doesn't change much. Sometimes they tell me I'm full of shit. it's ok everybody's a little full of shit. But what does it mean? fuck that. don't wanna start on questions and stuff.... I used to have notebook on my desktop called READ ME and I read it everyday to remind me what to do and what not to do. yesterday I deleted all the contents but still saved the text file with same title : READ THIS! read a blank page full of nothingness... 


Is you're there, you're probably laughing like a fat buddha... with a shaking belly. haha that even makes me laugh too.... I'm not scared anymore. I have things to lose like my house, my money and the little sanity I have left.


Nothing much else to say...