Let's Get Personal

Ok, I'm not easy on the emotions when it comes to public writing but I'm gonna let it flow this time because this was the intention of creating this blog, not the Burning Book Magicka (mocking humor) becoming the center of my whole shit.... ah, forget about it. It's the fuckin ADD, can't hold on to a fuckin thought for more than 5 seconds, plus the meds (the k-pin in general); I'm having shitty times... (bless the lord, I'm burning past life karma.... haha ) probably wondering I'm using humor to run away from what I'm about to say or telling the plain belief of burning karma. No I DON'T FUCKIN BELIEVE IN KARMA. Now let's slide and come to where I was about to cum ;)... 

I don't put much personal info on here but fuck it... my life is an open book, burn it if you will; My mom stopped supporting me financially because of personal issues (u know the whole you're 18, you should be on your own, where's the respect bullshit) and me... I'm just tired strangling with the fuckin GAD every fuckin moment of every day (worst at night when I crave for an embrace like a lost child)... There was this thing I wrote today (I seriously believed I'm writing the truth) about how the simple fact of me choosing not to blow my top makes me an enlightened master... haha. I'm gonna start working (cleaning a kitchen at an indian restaurant or something, not sure yet), stand on my feet (Muladhara activation if you know what I mean) and rent a room somewhere around with the money I make out of licking dishes... :( 

This is gonna be the story of my life for the next 1/2/3 years until I get home... Those of you who know me, know where and what I mean by home and how I'm about to get there so no need to expand the whole opening up. 

I'm just so confused... so many things happening at once, writing this naked, my dad in the other room smoking another cigarette while I'm trying to quit for the 1000th time (haven't smoked for a week or so), a very close friendship with a mature woman who has helped me a lot during this shit, my illness, my spiritual practices, music... It's all becoming a fuckin Koan if you know what I mean.

2012... a year of transfiguration, not just transformation. at least for me. The ascension of Emanuel... haha

If the world ends, remind me to fart as hard as I can before inhaling/exhaling my last breath... (I have a really loose asshole so it's really hard for me to fart, don't do it... brown stuff would be all over the place before the world ends)